“I have to get the package I was carrying.”"Let’s have a look in that package,” said the coastguards.He said that it was against the rules to open it, but they had a look anyway, and it was high grade cocaine he was carrying, for which he was arrested, and got sent down for two years.Moral: Never get involved in a story that won’t make a good film.Story the thirdThere was a man called Kurt who worked for a courier firm, and one day he was taking a package across the Pacific when his plane crashed and he ended up on a desert island, full of palm trees, birds and flowers. He was exploring the island, looking for a rock with which to remove the briefcase dangling from his wrist, when he met three Japanese teenagers coming the other way, who were all the children of a Japanese soldier who had been hiding on the island under the impression that the war was still on and he couldn’t surrender. The teenagers were at first frightened to see him, but then they recovered their courage and asked to see what was in the briefcase. When he didn’t understand, they mugged him for his briefcase and left him for dead.Moral: Learn a foreign language. Japanese would be a good idea.Story the fourthThere was a courier called Kurt who crashed while flying across the Pacific, and he ended up on a beautiful island. While he was exploring it, he met a man also wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. He was another courier from another crash! So they decided to develop the island together.Moral: When they film your story, one of you is going to be turned into a girl Better decide which one now
More from Miles Kington.

Tim Salmon’s second two-run homer of the night lifted the Anaheim Angels to a thrilling 11-10 comeback victory over the San Francisco Giants in Game Two of the World Series on Sunday, levelling the best-of-seven series at 1-1. We knew there was going to be a hero in the dug-out and tonight it was me.” But Angel supporters had to wait to celebrate the win as Barry Bonds kept them on the edge of their seats, hitting Troy Percival for a solo home run with two out in the ninth to pull the Giants within one run.With the crowd gripped by tension, Percival got Benito Santiago to fly out to Adam Kennedy in right field sending the series to San Francisco for Game Three on Tuesday all square Much of the credit also belonged to Francisco Rodriguez. The 20-year-old rookie sensation pitched three perfect innings for the victory, making him 5-0 in post-season games.. Sheffield Steelers, the Superleague leaders, will find out later this week whether their match at Bracknell Bees will be replayed after it was abandoned on Sunday with 10 minutes remaining because the ice had become dangerous The score was 1-1 at the time. The score was 1-1 at the time.
The Scottish Eagles, who have had a disappointing start to the Superleague season, have reached the third round of the Continental Cup, a “fantastic achievement” according to their managing director, Bob Zeller.The Eagles defeated Storhamar Dragons, of Norway, and the French hosts, Rouen, to ensure their progress even without their final match, against Latvia’s Skonta Riga, being played after the ice melted. They face Belfast Giants, Norway’s Valerenga and the Austrians of EHC Linz at the Odyssey Arena between 22 and 24 November.The Eagles’ progress capped a super weekend as they also moved into the semi-finals of the Challenge Cup, which they won last season, after Belfast lost to Sheffield Steelers.Zeller said: “This is a fantastic achievement. We’d been written off by just about everybody but Paul Heavey and the boys showed just what ice hockey is all about – determination, team spirit, and a will to win in the face of overwhelming odds.”Not only does our European dream continue, we are also on course to retain the Challenge Cup we won last year.”.

Tricia Heberle has settled on her England selection for next month’s World Cup in Perth following a run in of 47 internationals in which the coach used 33 players. Eight of the World Cup squad are aged 23 or younger.However, Jo Ellis, the 21-year-old from the Commonwealth Games squad which took the silver medal in Manchester, loses out. Few teams have scored with such flair and frequency this season as the Kansas City Chiefs. Led by their quarterback Trent Green and the prolific running back Priest Holmes, the Chiefs have proved themselves capable of scoring points against anyone. Sadly, their defence cannot stop anyone either, which is why they are unlikely to qualify for this year’s play-offs.

Among the usual catalogue of self-inflicted Chief wounds was a rare miss from Morten Andersen, which would probably have put things beyond Denver’s reach.Ironically, the veteran Danish kicker set a new all-time league record by converting his 479th field goal during the game, but the wasted 480th, a 43-yarder with less than five minutes remaining, put paid to any thoughts of celebration.”It doesn’t feel very good right now to be honest with you,” he said. “It’s a brutal game sometimes.” Those are sentiments which are probably being echoed by the quarterback Ray Lucas of the Miami Dolphins, who stepped in for the injured Jay Fiedler against the Buffalo Bills, only to fluff his lines as opportunity beckoned. The hapless Lucas threw four interceptions, three of which were claimed by Nate Clements, and was also involved in two fumbles as the Dolphins self-destructed. Many Miami fans have clamoured for Lucas to be chosen over the unpopular Fiedler, but doubtless most are now hoping the latter’s broken thumb heals as quickly as possible.Healing is also on the cards for the Oakland Raiders, who not only lost to the San Diego Chargers in overtime, but will now be without the running back Terry Kirby (broken leg) and the defensive back Phillip Buchanon (broken wrist).Similarly, the St Louis Rams will have to play the remainder of the season without their inspirational defensive leader, Aeneas Williams, who broke a leg and sustained an ankle injury in his side’s 37-20 triumph over the Seattle Seahawks. The running back Marshall Faulk confirmed his return to form with four touchdowns, but the severity of Williams’ injury meant there was little cause for cheer in the Rams’ locker-room.Even the seemingly indestructible Brett Favre has succumbed to the injury jinx. The Green Bay quarterback damaged a knee in his side’s otherwise uneventful 27-9 stroll past the Washington Redskins, and faces a race for fitness if he hopes to extend his record streak of 164 consecutive starts.Atlanta’s thrilling young prospect, Michael Vick, demolished the Carolina Panthers with a virtuoso display of passing, running, and even receiving, generating 73 more yards on his own than the Panthers managed collectively in a 30-0 rout.. This time last year Aidan O’Brien had won all seven of the Group One juvenile races in Europe open to colts that had been run.