He continues to show unwavering support for the Commander in Chief of Mess-up, our own Mr Bush. Then, who knows, we may get a government who do truly use war only as a weapon of last resort.NEIL ELLIOTT HoveSir: Timothy Greenhill has forgotten about the electoral system. His feared Tory victory will not materialise unless the Tories have a lead in the popular vote of 10 per cent or more. I don’t think he need worry but perhaps he will join me in agreeing that this system is unfair. Tony Blair, in my mind and the minds of millions of others, made an appalling error of judgment in deciding that it was necessary to invade Iraq. I hope that millions of others who were against this war will be brave enough to waste their votes similarly. The main arguments put forward by Blair and Bush were WMDs and a link with the atrocities of 11 September; the first was laughable and the second an outright lie.Like Mr Greenhill, I would hate to see Michael Howard benefit from the difficulties that Labour are in thanks to the Iraq war.

The Tories were even more bloodthirsty for this war and their attempts to make capital out of Tony Blair’s impalement are pathetic.I will be “wasting” my next vote on the Liberal Democrats. What concerns me is whether we throw our punches at the right opponent at the right time.For the first time in my life I voted Labour in 1997, then again in 2001. Although I have been generally satisfied with Tony Blair’s domestic record, whether we are slightly better off or worse off under this government is of no concern to me now. Quick, quick, it’s all down my leg.” No job can be considered, not even the Daily Mirror editorship, which I accept is tempting if only to ensure that the paper continues with it’s Pride of Britain Awards; the awards which are about you, real people, and not celebrities, which is why we keep cutting from the four-year-old who saved his mum from a diabetic coma to someone from EastEnders via Davina McCall and Carol Smillie.Suggested ReadingThe Daily Mail, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, the Daily Mail, The Surrendered Wife, the Daily Mail and Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, the seminal feminot work based almost entirely on the premise that “generally speaking, when a woman offers a man unsolicited advice she has no idea how unloving she sounds to him” (page 21).

Just say ‘no.’ Say it politely – “it is kind of you to open the door for me, even though as a lady it is only my due etc”.Instead, you must stay at home going quietly mental while the kids bore the arse off you and your husband works hard at the office having business lunches and talking to people who are not small toddlers and do not want to do potato-printing and do not shout down the stairs: “I’ve done a poo Wipe, mummy, wipe! No No Wait! There’s another one coming…s’alright I can do it myself. Never stage any kind of protest in front of your husband, and certainly never protest about him not taking the rubbish out even though he promised he would This is not jolly This is tiresome. And he may well punch you in the mouth which means you’ll have to apply your lipstick all over again.CareerAs a feminot you must promise to never enter the workplace, even if a man offers to open the door for you. We do not encourage throwing ourselves under horses, which is a ridiculous way to carry on, particularly at Ascot, where you will have failed in your duty to merely look nice in a big flowery hat. Do throw yourself at the cosmetics counter by all means, especially if they’ve got one of those special offers whereby if you buy two skincare products for £496 you get a silly bag with bit of blusher in it that isn’t enough to highlight the cheekbones on your hamster. Hunger strikes are all very well but do bear in mind that if you skip a wholesome breakfast there is every chance you will succumb to an iced-bun come elevenses and, as you are no-doubt aware, The Feminot Diet (£56.99, from your housekeeping money) prohibits iced buns at elevenses because they are calorific and promote cellulite. Fat is certainly a feminot Issue (Fat is Certainly a Feminot Issue, The Man’s Press, £76, from your pin money as CEO of BA) as you don’t want to look crap in a bikini come the summer.

(Did Accessorize orchestrate the whole thing just so it could start selling hair bobbles to the Muslim world?) I have, in turn, been contacted by an It-Girl who would dearly love the position, and may be appropriate, not least because the word is she has dry-brushed her brain almost to oblivion, which is just what we want.ProtestWe agree to never tie ourselves to railings, as it not only ruins the line of a skirt but gives you nothing jolly to say to your husband should he ask you how your day went, which is unlikely, I admit. I wonder, how do we feel about Polly Toynbee? I do think she has extraordinary integrity and that she would be a great asset, but could we trust her if closely questioned on jolly things to say to a husband when he comes home tired from the office? I don’t believe it would take much for her to start invoking prisoners’ rights or, perhaps, to start asking just how the contracts for accessorising in post-war Iraq are being awarded. I have approached Germaine Greer who, while flattered to be asked, said her schedule is such she felt she could not commit to coming round to play hair and face-packs as often as we might like. The president must be prepared to wear Gina wedges and hot pants at all times and maybe something a little Herm?around the neck (Ugg boots are acceptable during the winter months).