Certainly, I’m up for marriage, as well as a BBC documentary which would pay us a lot of money for a week’s work. I suggest we keep the money to ourselves, even though we care a lot about single mums, who are largely irresponsible slags through no fault of their own.”When we approach the BBC, we should emphasise the social-experiment aspect, as it would show ordinary members of the electorate what it is like to live in a smart house in Belgravia with no children and good, spot-lit paintings and a cleaner and a budget of £79.80 per meal and no proper job to speak of. The rubber is particularly important because, while we love children, and think of them as the future, we won’t want any ourselves as they’re expensive and boring and very bad for the lifestyle.Of course, I have written to Mr Portillo, in tropical coconut, outlining my plans. Still, it keeps him busy and, once married, out from under my feet, I suppose.
There might have to be a prenuptial agreement, though, saying that not only can he not use my favourite pen without asking (otherwise I will pull his quiff, hard) but also that he must make a special effort to come home early on Tuesdays and Thursdays for some banana trifle and firm discipline, as these things help to keep a relationship alive. Naturally, I will offer to keep his diary for him for no fee beyond £18,000 a year and a pineapple-scented rubber. I might use my second favourite gel pen, which is green and said to smell of tamed apples although, frankly, I think it’s more badly behaved kiwi. I do not like anyone using my wild-cherry pen, it being my favourite and everything, although I might let Mikey borrow it for special occasions and his particular hobby, the drafting of policy which will never see the light of day Bless.

So, instead, I’ll have to write it on the back of my hand, possibly in my favourite gel glitter pen, which is dark pink, and wild-cherry scented Alternatively, I might not. I might be a little in love with Michael Portillo There, it is said Secret is out and all that

I might be a little in love with Michael Portillo There, it is said Secret is out and all that. They should just run their own businesses instead of leading public corporations They would enjoy it more, too
More from Hamish McRae. However, I’m not about to write “Deb + Mikey 4ever 2gether” on my pencil-case because I am 42, for heaven’s sake, and don’t have a pencil-case To have a pencil-case at my age would be totally pathetic. It means that sophisticated investors can make bets on risky ventures and it means firms that do not qualify for a public quote can raise money. But it also means that if regulation tightens, more firms may simply walk away from the public eye and subject themselves to private scrutiny instead.

But it may be a bit like being a member of Lloyd’s insurance market. People sign up thinking that the risks are theoretical but suddenly fund they are practical in the most painful of ways.The third change is the emergence of an alternative to public markets, private equity. But we should beware the advance of the culture of box-ticking. And we should not lose sight that we want good companies, not just good governance.And the corporate buccaneers? They’ll be fine.

And when top dogs fail, they must be judged, in the first instance by the board, of course, but ultimately by shareholders.Think back. Could a more orderly and tougher set of boardroom rules have prevented some of the disasters of the dot boom? I think the answer must be yes. It is a welcome example of big shareholders doing exactly what they should do: hold boards of directors to account. Certainly many directors of public companies are pondering whether the risks are worth the rewards, when there is an alternative that pays better, carries less public scrutiny and fewer risks to their reputation.None of this is to suggest that the shareholder action at Granada/ Carlton is wrong Quite the reverse. It could mean that the best deals go to the most sophisticated investors, leaving the rest of us with the rubbish.Were Mr Green starting a business now I suspect he would not have taken it public.

And many companies prefer not to have a quote on the exchanges and seek money from private equity managers instead.In one sense this is great. There has been a boom in companies deciding that they would prefer to raise money from private investors – or at least investors who choose not to have the regulatory protection of the public markets. Those fees for turning up at board meetings and not making too much of a fuss now carry huge risks.Up to now most directors have felt that the fees, the interest and, I suppose, the status compensated for such risks. Boards should know that if they do not follow best practice they will be held to account. I suspect the Carlton board simply has not realised the extent to which the climate has changed. Michael Green has long seen the purpose of non-executive directors to support him and perhaps tended to attract people who felt comfortable in that role. Now shareholders feel emboldened and boards had better be aware of that.The second big change has been the Equitable Life saga, where directors are currently being sued for negligence.